by Guest Contributor, Sara McCabe, Business Operations & Leadership Consultant

There are currently 13.6 million posts on Instagram with the hashtag #beyourself.

There are entire campaigns built around "embracing who we are!"

If you participate in social media today, you've seen one of those 13.6 million posts I mentioned. Here's my beef; they don't do shit, and they aren't meant to.

You get all the hutzpah of an empowering message (just enough to encourage you for the day) without ever having to do the real work. For all the good social media can do, one of its greatest downfalls is forcing users to pair down incredibly complex lessons into small, albeit aesthetically pleasing, bite-sized pieces.

As someone who loves a quick win just as much as the next person, I would be lying if I didn't admit I had an entire folder dedicated to empowering quotes (because we all need pep talks sometimes.)

 

Still, I know they are no substitute for the real work.

Much of my leadership development work focuses on helping leaders define what leadership looks like for them as individuals. That means we do some serious work around their current leadership definition, self-awareness, and how to utilize their traits better to engage specific soft skills. Because, as you know, we're ultimately more successful in almost every way when we do that.

 

The irony that I happen to be utterly sick of the word authentic is not lost on me, given that I help people operate in that way.

 

When this question landed in my inbox last week, I took it very seriously. 

After having chewed on the question for a few days, I still felt somewhat stumped. How could I condense my personal and professional learning into a single email? How could I convey the steps I take clients through over months into quick, actionable steps?

 

You're right, it's a somewhat impossible task, but those are my favorites.

 

When confronted with the question of how do I "just be myself." It would be negligent not to first look at our society as a whole. The truth is we operate in a society that favors specific bodies, lifestyles, and skin colors.

 

To sit here and think that I, a white, able-bodied, hetero woman, could be an absolute authority on 'just be yourself would be nothing short of ridiculous. 

 

It needs to be explicitly stated that I hold certain privileges, which ultimately make it easier for me to do that.

 

Acknowledging those truths is like opening one door in a hallway full of doors. Each of us has moved through life, having experienced completely different things, and those situations have impacted us in unique ways. Those moments have shaped what we believe is ok and not ok to share.

 

We all have different doors that need opening.

 

Exploring the topic of authenticity or how one operates in that way means we must first uncover what is stopping us from behaving that way in the first place.

 

I'm reminded of a few pivotal moments that shaped my early belief system surrounding my behavior at work.

• In my first management role, customers consistently would be dissatisfied with my answers. They would seek help from my male employees, only to be told the same thing, yet somehow didn't argue with them.

• I was told relatively often that I was too emotional when I was younger. Only further compounded by business school telling me feelings have no place in business.

• I've been called aggressive more times than I can count.

Sadly that messaging made it feel wrong to share certain parts of myself; it encouraged me to share only a fraction of what I, a multi-faceted human, have to offer.

 

The same is true for you.

 

You are a human before you are a leader. You are complex, layered, and likely contradictory at times. Isn't that beautiful?

 

If only we had permission to be just that.

 

Before I start waxing poetic about how endlessly surprising and confusing humans can be, let me address yet another roadblock on our journey to 'authenticity.'

 

If it helps bring levity to what can feel like a long, arduous journey, I like to imagine we're all in a game of Mario Kart, and there will always be some banana peels on our path that we're going to have to dodge.

 

So, on to the next banana peel!

 

Last night after I posted a series of questions about authenticity, one of the lovely humans who does me the great honor of following me sent this.

Yes, friend! You are right! By expanding our "office" to an online space, we've opened ourselves up to public opinion. The fear of public ridicule encourages us to edit ourselves further into a more 'widely accepted' package.

 

Hence why 81% of you admitted that you think about how you're being perceived often. Thank you for your honesty!

 

It may feel like there were clear-cut rules before about how to behave, but there has and always will be far more unspoken rules. That's what we're contending with.

 

Unspoken rules look something like this.

• If you're in wellness, you never get mad, swear, or eat junk food

• If you're a good leader, you're confident, charismatic, and ALWAYS know the correct answer

• If you're an accountant, you must be serious

What are some unspoken rules that are stopping you? This is one of those uncomfortable truths that must be acknowledged to move forward. 

 

I cannot tell you how many people write to me saying, "Sara, I'm just scared of being misunderstood."

 

As humans, all we want is acceptance. When we show up vulnerably and it's met with judgment, that's a gut punch like no other. So let me acknowledge the level of bravery I'm asking you to bring day in and day out. That’s hard.

 

I can help you open some of those doors in your long dark hallway, and I can encourage you (in fact, it's my honor to do so) to be as authentic as possible, but the choice to move through your professional or personal life in that way is all yours.

 

What made me throw my hands in the air and say, "f**k it," after years of doing a pretty good job only offering up a fraction of myself?

 

"I didn't like the results I was getting when pretending to be someone else."

 

That's not to say I didn't get promotions and do well, but let's be honest, winning when you don't get to be yourself never feels quite as good, does it?

Alas, we find ourselves at the third banana peel. Recognizing that certain things aren't mutually exclusive, although the world tells us they are.

 

Here are some personal examples to get the ball rolling

• My goofiness does not negate my intelligence.

• My sensitivity doesn't make me weak. I can do plenty of hard things, but I may cry. That's fine.

• I'm still good at my job, even when I don't know the answer. It's a ton of fun admitting you don't know everything.

Whew! What a wild ride we've just been on. This is the longest article I've ever written, but it's an incredibly complex topic, and this has barely scratched the surface.

 

I'll summarize it for all you skimmers out there. These are some great places to start when it comes to authenticity in leadership and work.

1. Acknowledge your privilege.

2. Ask yourself which parts of yourself you're scared to share. Why do you believe that?

3. Are there unspoken expectations of someone in your industry or position stopping you from showing up more honestly?

4. Pick one small part of yourself to share. People need to connect to who you are for them to feel safe. Leadership is ALL about trust.

Authenticity is a muscle that must be built up over time. Most of us have never really flexed those muscles, so be patient, keep training, and call me if you have no idea how to use the equipment. 

Onwards, together!

Sara both knows and understands that there is a better way to do business, and it starts with putting humans first, always. She is found at the intersections of hilarity, humanity, and a boatload of strategic insight led by her passion for helping people overcome the growth struggle. Her bespoke approach means every client receives custom consultation because each person, business, or team needs something different. Strategy Sessions and The Full Consult offering have helped scale and grow countless businesses. She helps build stronger leaders by giving them the tools and confidence they need to lead and build the best team.

Learn more about her and get in touch online: www.saracmccabe.com and @saracmccabe